I’m trying to work up the courage to email my supervisor and the head of biology about using the third year field trip’s data for my dissertation. In part I think I’m a bit ashamed of  the fact that I haven’t spoken to my supervisor since September, though really I just didn’t have anything to report. My project in particular is very independent as he doesn’t really have a clue what I’m doing. I suppose the worst that can happen is he’ll say no I can’t use it and I’ll have to go collect data which while not the worst thing in the world I’m not looking forward to in any particular way. I am making the assumption that he’ll be upset at me for not having done this earlier, which really he might not say anything at all about that. I think I always feel a bit guilty about not being as good a student as I should be and feel that my lecturers like my teachers are “disappointed”. When in reality they don’t know me well enough to really give a damn. So I need to realize that he probably won’t make any mention of my not having things settled earlier, especially if I explain that I’ve been having difficulties. Secondly there’s a good chance he’ll say that I can use the data, especially as I’ve already collected some of my own.  Of course then it all hinges on Patterson saying I can use the data as well, especially hoping he even has this data somewhere. I need to remember what me and Dave were talking about Anni last week, she enters into these sorts of things seeing herself as their equal, and in turn they treat her as like whereas I enter into it as the cringing student asking for help so anything they do makes me feel like they’re looking down on me.

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